This is an excellent, excellent start! You've really done a great job setting the scene, establishing the characters, and introducing a problem, without bogging down on unnecessary introspection or backstory. I'm not a follower of the audio adventures, so I'm coming in with a knowledge gap, yet that's presenting any problem keeping up with the story at all. I hope you keep working on this story. Editing NaNo products can be daunting, yet this one will definitely be worth the effort.