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This is one of those fics I really didn't mean to write. It just sort of happened. At least, I can finally say I've written a Legends fic that is lighthearted and not dark and depressing. It's in some way supposed to be a counterpoint to another fic I'm writing that is done in a similar format but is a lot more angsty. I'd have liked to post them both at the same time, but I'm rather stuck on the other one so I thought I'd just post this one for now.


Title: Clothing Optional
Characters: The Team
Rating/Warnings: PG
Genre: Humor, Crack
Word Count: 1000
Spoilers: None
Summary: Five moments of unexpected nudity.

I.

“What is that stuff?” Sara asked Leonard as the two stared across the park at their fellow teammates.

“Some sort of chemical,” Leonard replied with a shrug. “Apparently, it’s fairly caustic. The professor gave a long lecture about it, but I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Sara grimaced. “Ray sure got it all over himself.”

“No kidding,” said Leonard.

They watched as Ray danced about shedding clothing, Rip and Martin attempting to help out without getting any of the gooey substance that covered him on themselves.

“Huh,” said Leonard. “For a geeky guy, Ray’s pretty well built.”

“He sure is,” said Sara, nodding appreciatively.

Leonard turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “Should I be jealous?” he asked.

Sara matched his eyebrow with one of her own. “Should I be jealous?” she countered.

Ray having divested himself of his last shred of clothing sped across the grass, raced over the short pier, and jumped into the lake.

Leonard and Sara as supportive teammates dutifully clapped.



II.

“Uh, why aren’t any of the athletes wearing clothes?” asked Jax uncertainly as he sat down on the stone seat of the arena beside Martin and Ray.

“In ancient Greece, it was traditional for all athletes to preform their feats naked,” Martin explained. “It was seen as a tribute to the gods.”

“Oh,” said Jax, staring wide-eyed at the men running about below.

Ray scrunched up his nose. “Did Mick know about that when he volunteered to take part in the games?”

“Hmm?” said Martin distractedly, his attention fixed on the athletes below. “I’m not sure.”

Just then Mick charged into the arena, a snarl on his face, a fire in his eyes, and every inch of his skin covered in shiny olive oil.

Ray raised his eyebrows. “Huh,” he said.

“Well, whether he did or not, I don’t think he minds much,” said Jax.

Watching their teammate make short work of the other competitors, Martin and Ray nodded.



III.

“Please tell me this is some kind of bad joke,” said Leonard, scowling.

“If only it were,” Rip replied with a sigh.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Leonard began pacing back and forth across the small changing room. “There has to be a way out of this.”

“I’m open to suggestions,” said Rip, sitting down on a bench and resting his head in his hands.

“We could always make a quick exit out the window,” Leonard suggested, “pretend none of this ever happened.”

Rip shook his head. “If we leave now, we may never find the source of the time anomaly.”

Leonard paced some more making good use of the vocabulary he’d learned from his multiple prison stays. “What if we say we’ve got colds or some sort of infectious skin condition?”

Rip snorted. “Do you seriously think they’d buy that?”

“I don’t hear you coming up with any ideas,” Leonard snapped. “How come you didn't know what sort of place this was anyway?”

“Gideon just told me it was a club,” said Rip with a shrug. “She failed to mention what sort of club.”

“And you didn’t think to ask?”

Just then there was a knock on the door and a voice cried out, “Hurry up, you two. You’re going to miss all the fun.”

Rip and Leonard exchanged looks of mutual misery and slowly began stripping off their clothes.

“Do me a favour, Rip,” said Leonard as he removed his final bit of clothing and stuffed it in a locker with the rest.

“What’s that?” asked Rip, now bare as the day he was born.

“Next time you need help infiltrating a nudist club ask someone else.”



IV.

“This is all your fault,” said Jax wrapping his arms around himself and shivering.

“How is this my fault?” said Martin rubbing his hands up and down his arms as he too tried to ward off the cold.

“I don’t know,” said Jax, each word filled with biting sarcasm. “Maybe because you’re the one who wanted to experiment with our powers in the first place.”

“We needed the practice,’’ said Martin, chin raised defensively.

“And you’re the one who insisted we come all the way out here to the middle of nowhere.”

“To insure the safety of others.”

“And you’re the one,” Jax said pointing a finger at Martin’s chest, “that had the great idea of trying to use our transmutation powers on ourselves!”

Martin threw his hands up into the air. “Well, how was I supposed to know that doing so would completely evaporate all of our clothing?”

There was a moment of tense silence as the two naked men stood in the empty warehouse and glared at each other.

“Fine,” Jax conceded. “But it’s still going to be you who has to call the ship and tell the team they need to bring us clothes.”

Martin winced sheepishly. “That may prove somewhat difficult.”

Jax rolled his eyes in exasperation. “And why’s that?”

“I believe our little experiment evaporated our communicators as well.”

“Aw, crap.”



V.

Leonard was just exiting the bridge when he saw Sara approaching him. The sight brought him to an abrupt halt. His eyebrows raised as he looked her up and down.

“Is there some special occasion I’m not aware of?” he asked.

The smile she gave him was wide and full of wicked amusement. “Rip ordered me to meet him on the bridge,” she said. “I asked if it could wait a minute or two, but he said I had to come up now, this very minute.” She did a bad imitation of Rip’s London accent as she said the last.

Snart smirked. “I see.”

Sara walked past him onto the bridge waving at Ray on the way.

Ray’s face turned bright red when he saw her. “Sara, what...? How...? Why...?” he stuttered; then he turned to Leonard and whispered, “Did I miss something?”

Leonard held up a finger. “Wait for it.”

From the direction of Rip’s study came a loud strangled yelp. “Ms. Lance! For God’s sake, put some clothes on!”

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